Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
