I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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