Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
