You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
