Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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