Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
