the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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