Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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