I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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