no, he came in my armpit
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
