D3 body, D1 cock
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
