her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
