just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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