every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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