He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
