and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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