Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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