He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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