I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
