just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize