it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
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his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
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You may now shotgun with the bride
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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