Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize