I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
