i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
