omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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