We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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