Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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