I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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