if you like me you must not know who I am
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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