I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
