I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
