I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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