Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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