i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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