I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
