My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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