you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
