Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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