the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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