Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
