im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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