flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
