Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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