rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Even my vagina gasped.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You pole danced in your parka.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
