So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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