that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
