my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
