I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
