We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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