my mouth tastes like poor choices
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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