How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
