so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
