Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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