hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i need some magic done to my vagina
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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