Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Did I show you my penis last night?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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