Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
