im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
