the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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