I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she smelled like a LAN party
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
