Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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