Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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