Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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